Story Type: Your Stories

Writing with Conviction

David Honeywell

Education – or should I say my lack of it was the very thing that made my life a very long up-hill struggle. And it was my poor schooling and bad teachers that made me despise anything to do with classrooms or learning for over 20 years. Yet it would come full circle and eventually be the one thing that would give me self esteem, a future, confidence and a feeling of self worth.

While a lot of people feel that education must have a career at the end of it, for me it was more about changing my thinking. It has also been a great leveller. I know many doors are closed to me and always will be but the very fact I could change was the most important thing. And though it was only my willingness to self change that turned things around, education became a great tool to help me do it. Most recently I have been very lucky in that my journey has been of interest to others. And I am so pleased to say that I now share my experiences with other students and the public. I suppose I can say I’m in a unique position when I talk to students as I can draw on my past to help them while also having the same academic knowledge having been in their shoes as a criminology student.

It’s all been worth it in the end. I have – like many other ex-offenders – had to face rejection and prejudice on numerous occasions but this has just made me adept in reinventing myself. Being able to embrace my past and share with others was one of the biggest turning points for me. And now having proudly just published my autobiography, Never Ending Circles, I am pleased that I have also just been made an offer to study a PhD. The thing I have learned through writing and learning is you must do what you’re passionate about. With this in mind, it was obvious that I had to produce a research proposal that was pertinent to my peer’s research interests but also something I could get my teeth into and sustain over the next four years.

My working title is: Education pathways to desistance: A study of reformed ex-prisoners self change through higher education. Not only have I learned to use my past to help others and achieve my own goals but I am a very different person to the one who was locked away in 1995. This is partly due to the passage of time; education and continual learning – not just through books but about oneself too. I know a lot of ex-offenders want to take this journey into higher education and there is a much greater demand now than ever. All I can say is hang on in there and never let go of your dreams.

Article taken from issue 13 of theRecord.

You Might have Won the Battles but I Won the War

Sophie Barton-Hawkins
“LEAVE HER TO DIE”, the words uttered outside my cell supposedly out of earshot. Another suicide attempt. Just another day in HMP for me. Another 855 to go. My life was full of numbers. TG6992… Cell C1-17… 30 red entries… 10 days CC… 10 adjudications…all this after only being in this jail for 60 days! I could decorate my walls with the amount of warning slips, IEP* slips and nicking sheets that were being put through my door on a daily basis, portrayed as a monster, caged in like a bear, roar of a lion. I was by no means “bad”. It was my first time before the courts resulting in a hefty 6 year, 5 year and 4 year concurrent sentence. I did myself no favours by informing the screws upon my reception to the life of HMP that should they bang me up with someone else I would batter them. Now I’m not a violent person I just like my own space. This slip of the tongue followed me throughout the 3 years that I spent within the confines of various 6ft by 8ft concrete boxes. I saw the inside of countless cells, all as scummy as the previous and saw some of the most vindictive, violent and manipulative people in the prison system wearing black and white uniform. I didn’t know how to fight but gave it my all if the need arose, I was trained in karate but not in the raw brawling and pool balls that accompanied many prison fights. I had a sharp tongue and a very quick mind and could often outwit the staff. The only problem with being smart is that the staff punish you for it. I can’t remember how many bouts of basic I did as there were so many and so often. I can’t remember how many times I cut up to ease the pain in my head from being kept caged up, though the scars I still carry are testament to how many times it happened.

I travelled through three prisons in almost as many months, getting moved along only when I had used up all the ink in the red pens for that establishment. In my third and final prison I was curtly informed by the Governor that if my attitude didn’t change then I would be spending as long as he could get away with locked up in the block. I found myself quickly marched down there, still cuffed from the prison transport, after telling him he was singing the wrong words to “Islands in the stream”, possibly not the smartest move of my HMP career but definitely the shock that I needed. I didn’t want to be blocked off, the cardboard table and chair did nothing for the décor of the segregation cells, the bare bed frame bolted to the floor and the mesh on the window filled with rotten tea bags and manky apple cores shook me to the pit of my stomach and the dubious stains spotted along the floor and walls did not bear thinking about as to what part of the body they originated from.

Even though I was in my third prison my reputation as being, in the Governor’s words, “the worst female offender in the prison system” had most certainly preceded me. Even nurses were now giving me red entries! I was sick of basic, sick of the boredom and I wanted my guitar back that was taken from me whilst on basic. What I found out whilst on basic though is that I could write, poetry being the general forte of prisoners I took to it like a duck to water, my note books were filling up charting my days spent in jail and documenting the many lows I went through. Writing made me want to start my education again. I had a good education compared to others in jail so I took 2 A Levels in 6 months, teaching myself as there were no teachers available to give me one to one tuition. I also attended the education block as much as I could and did every course there. Slowly the education staff were coming on my side and giving me good reports in the constant barrage of IEP’s I kept getting. Because of the education staff my wing file was slowly filling up with positive black writing. I became a Toe by Toe mentor teaching others to read as well as being a teaching assistant in the English as a Second Language class. My confidence soared and with it so did my sense of self worth, my behaviour calmed down and my attitude settled. Slowly people were saying my name in a positive manner. I still had a quick tongue and a very hot temper but my slip ups were not recorded as much anymore and I found myself becoming an enhanced prisoner which meant I could access distance learning. I undertook a 2 year creative writing course funded by the Prisoner’s Education Trust and an Open University course funded by Women In Prison.

I was approached one day by the Governor of Diversity and asked to become a diversity representative, in her words “you need to focus your tongue on something positive.” I became the voice of a group of prisoners and represented them in meetings with staff and arranged focus groups for them to have their needs met. I got told I could go for ROTL** if I kept up the good work. So I did.

I started to play the game the way they wanted it played as playing it my way had got me nothing other than a security file that took up half a filing cabinet! I got my first ROTL and went home to see my family for the weekend, this brief glimpse of freedom was what I needed. Upon my return to jail I was completely different, I had something to work towards every month and every month bar one for the remainder of my sentence I went home to see my family for 5 days. After several months of going home my name got put forward to work for Koestler as an art curator putting together an art exhibition at the South Bank Centre showcasing prisoner’s art work that I and several others had chosen to go to exhibition. People who came to this exhibition wanted to hear my story as a prisoner as it was a unique insight otherwise not afforded to the free world. Public speaking was where it was at for me. I had a thirst for it. A thirst for wanting to get the voices of the imprisoned to the minds of the free. From working with Koestler I moved to the open wing and started volunteering for a mental health charity and eventually got paid employment in a hotel and would go to work every day as an equal to those in my work place.

I was no longer imprisoned fully, only at night when I would return from work, and the ball and chain that I was mentally shackled by was getting shorter. I started approaching youth offending teams offering to mentor the young people on their case loads and got offered voluntary employment with Kingston Youth Offending Team. I got to work closely with the young offenders and shared my story of crime and imprisonment to try and steer them away from the path they were walking as well as mentoring them through offending related issues such as anger and drug abuse. From this work my name was referred to the MET police to accompany them into schools and Pupil Referral Units to speak to and educate students there. My name started to be passed around these higher regions and my name started to carry a bit of weight in a good way. I got involved with a charity called User Voice which is an ex offender led service for ex offenders by ex offenders and advised the Government on the Green Paper.

Since my release from prison in September 2010 I still volunteer with youth offending teams and have maintained full time employment constantly. I am approached for public speaking by varied organisations, I advised the BBC on their comedy “Dead Boss” and have had a meeting with Princess Anne where I was introduced as an expert on education in prisons. If someone could have said to me 5 years ago that I would be sat in a room with Princess Anne being treated as an equal then I would have laughed in their face. I am proof that anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself. Don’t let negativity hold you back, transform it into something positive.

*IEP-Incentive Earned Privilege.
You do well you get rewarded by a black entry and if you commit an infraction on the rules you get a negative entry in red pen. 3 of these in a
month results in your privileges being removed such as TV and canteen spend.

**ROTL- Release on Temporary License. When you get half way through your sentence and you fulfil every criteria you can go home for 5 days to
visit family, in my case monthly but this varies from prison to prison.

Article taken from issue 13 of theRecord.

Walk for Forgiveness

Frankie Owens

My name is Frankie Owens I was prisoner A1443CA at Her Majesty’s Pleasure until 2nd August 2011. I suffered from a Bipolar disorder and it was this untreated illness that led to me going to prison. As a first time offender I had no idea how the system or a prison worked. I was clueless to it all, and it was hard for me going in and frightening for the family and loved ones I left behind. To save my sanity and give me something positive to focus on I began writing about the process I was going through, it felt like self help. As the days progressed it occurred to me that the ‘Little Book of Prison: A Beginner’s Guide’ would prove useful to first time offenders and their families and help them get through what is surely one of the most difficult times in their lives. After being a prisoner and losing everything I am now an awardwinning writer with 30 articles published to date, and counting. I have been welcomed by The Huffington Post, Sabotage Times, The Guardian, Works for Freedom, The Justice Gap and The Royal Society of Arts. Numerous universities have invited me to speak, with local newspapers and radio stations running articles and interviews…a fantastic response. However, when it came to my local book launch and local newspapers, the focus was on my negative past instead of my positive future work. The book launch was cancelled as someone went into the shop and threatened that there would be trouble. The local newspaper ran the story of my convictions and not the one about the award-winning book that helps people.

Although they did choose to use the photo I had sent for the book story they did not mention my mental illness! I decided that I would do something to highlight Forgiveness, and how imperative it is to ex-offenders in order for them to re-integrate into society and focus on a positive future and not fall into social isolation or reoffending (the product of focusing on the negative past). Society must contemplate forgiveness and take the opportunity to recognise all the reasons the criminal committed the crime, then they can make an informed decision.

I came across The Forgiveness Project and its wonderful work and the dye was cast. My challenge is to walk from John O’ Groats to Land’s End, visiting towns and cities along the way. Each destination will include visits to prisons, probation trusts, youth offender groups, universities, and charities that work to help promote understanding, rehabilitation and re-integration of ex-offenders. The walk begins 1 September in Scotland, walking for 60 days until arriving at Land’s End on 31 October.

The target is to raise £10,000 for The Forgiveness Project, and raise awareness of the concept of forgiveness in our society. There are two ways to donate or sponsor me. Either a one-off donation, or to sponsor me for each completed leg of the journey. We welcome your support in any way you can. If you can’t help financially, please help us spread the message of the great work The Little Book of Prison and The Forgiveness Project does to help victims, offenders and their families.

I’d also love to invite readers of theRecord to walk with me, either for The Forgiveness Project or for a charity of your choice.

Article taken from issue 13 of theRecord.

A window of opportunity

Interview with Christopher Syrus

Chris Syrus is a young man on a mission. Raised in south London, he has spent time in prison, convicted at the age of 24. During his time in an open prison, Chris used every opportunity he could lay his hands on to turn his life around, securing employment before release. This role was in personal development and has resulted in Chris undertaking many projects, having a poetry book published, looking after his family and concentrating on an area that needs people like him – motivated, driven and dedicated. Chris highlights the point very clearly that he wants to make to young people. While his mission is to reduce youth offending, he concentrates on tackling an increasing problem in today’s society. What do we do with the current youth offending population? Where do these people go, after conviction? Who takes care of them? Who mentors them on to a path of leading a normal life? Chris has cornered a market that looks at this. That finds a chink in the armour where people who have little or no insight, into what is an increasing problem, and facilitates programmes on a section of society that is rife, yet huddled away in the eyes of the public. He gives them what he found beneficial to him, serving as a prisoner. We hear often, “If I could bottle this and give it to you, I would”. Well, Chris has bottled his own experiences and is handing those bottles over to young offenders, to young people and handing them a brighter future.

During his time in prison, Chris centred his thoughts on utilizing all thatwas on offer. During his time he studied Psychology with the Open University, he completed an NVQ in Advice and Guidance, 7303 Teacher Training and Goals for Young People facilitation. In 2008 he was awarded the Learning Skills Council “Achieving Against the Odds” award. He is the author of the book of poetry, titled LoveLife6958, his allocated prisoner number, which transcribes his progression from his negative past towards a positive future.

On release in 2009, Chris used his acquired skills and training to start his own business, delivering workshops, which are based around arts, music and creative writing. Chris also delivers personal development skills, creative writing skills, movie making skills and the opportunity for young people to accompany him on musical tours. In the pipeline, he’s currently looking to be a Job Centre Provider. He also works in forensic units throughout the country offering his workshops to young offenders. He works actively to secure job apprenticeships for young offenders on their release from prison and young offenders institutions. As if that wasn’t enough, he continues to offer guidance and mentoring to young people for them to go on and become mentors.

In all of the above, Chris’s primary purpose is to offer young people what he benefited from and used to turn his life around. During our interview, Chris wants to make absolutely clear that there is light at the end of the tunnel for young people in the Criminal Justice System. But also, any adult cannot fail to be inspired by his achievements while in prison and his ongoing achievements since then. This is more than just offering a service to a disadvantaged section of society. It is giving young people the opportunity, under his guidance to move forward from the dark days of prison to life on the outside and to discourage re-offending. Chris also reaches out to young people, to discourage offending. Any person can attend any of his workshops. They are available to all. Chris also points out that if given a custodial sentence, young people should approach all areas of education, which was ultimately what kept Chris going through his sentence. He opens a window of opportunity for young people to go through, and move their live on from, offending, re-offending and getting off the hamster wheel of offending behaviour. He points out that offending is behavioural: change the behaviour and the risk of offending and re-offending is reduced.

His hope for the future is to show young people that there is opportunity after a conviction. Nobody can fail to see that Chris has overcome immense obstacles, in a society that discriminates against reforming offenders at whatever age. An open, willing mind and approach to how to move a life on the wrong path, to a good, solid, positive path.

Achievement and growth can only come with a willing mind, a positive approach to one’s own life. In a society where reforming offenders are often denied access routes to employment, education and a right to lead a life without offending behaviour, Chris proves, shows, and continues to offer a service that is priceless.

Taken from Issue 14

It’s Just a Different Challenge

by release2succeed

So it’s Saturday evening… and back in the good old days plans would be being made for a serious session down the local followed by a decent Ruby Murray on the tramp home. Money not really an object but instead merely beer tokens and curry coins for the night. A night to be spent assessing the world’s problems and the relative qualities of any attractive lady who might walk past our table.

But hey ho, those days are gone for the moment and due to a DWP cock up I have survived the last two weeks on meagre rations with the help of the local food bank and a friend who realises that without my rolling baccy there will be a potential one man riot in my area. Some call it a luxury (love the Daily Mail) while those in the know realise a thinly rolled ciggie can be the difference between sanity and homicide!

So I make an assessment of my worldly provisions and realise, well, I’m not going to starve (thank you kind food bank people) but certain things are not supplied and are running low or non-existent. Milk is needed as is bread so it’s off to the jar of many pennies to calculate my financial buying power.

I know I have 81p in my bank account so I could go to the local Tesco and get a cheap loaf of bread on that. I also have £1.83 in pennies so I have spent the last 30 minutes working through my priorities – milk, rolling papers and maybe some cheap margarine. Now it’s off to the local Tesco to fill up their self-service machine and hope not to get too many withering glances from the queue behind as the pennies clank through the system.

Now I know that all sounds grim, and to some extent I guess it is, but in reality it’s just a different challenge from the ones I faced when I was dealing with the big boys’ world of serious money and media and organising tens of thousands of pounds to be paid, moved, invoiced and ordered across the world. A world where I had more credit cards than clean underwear and I never thought twice about blowing a couple of hundred on a night out. Nowadays life is much quieter and even in the moderate poverty of being an ex-offender on the rock and roll in GB PLC 2012, things are not so bad.

I look at my current situation now as transitional, just as I suspected the good times were also just a phase of my life even while I was enjoying them (and perhaps that’s why I enjoyed them with such fervour). We all have bad times to face in our lives and sometimes they can seem insurmountable and never-ending. This has led me and many others towards depression and despair.

However, with my meagre finances of the evening, some hot food later and a cup or ten of coffee I am rich beyond the dreams of billions of others on this planet. I am also lucky enough to have relative health (even if disabled) and dammit, just because I did something wrong and got caught a few years back, I will not let that define who I am and who I will be in the future. It’s bloody hard dragging the get up and go out of myself each day and much harder for some than for me but here are a few things:

1. If you wallow in despair and self pity they have won.

2. If you give up on yourself then so will everyone else.

3. If you have the freedom to walk out your door whenever you choose – you are free

4. If you don’t like your life, change it. No-one else will.

5. People who write lists like this one are a real pain in the arse and should just sod off down the shops!!!

All I’m trying to say is this – the fact that you are an ex-offender means you’ve already made the biggest and best decision of your life. Make some more decisions for your future and even if some of them turn out to be mistakes, you can only learn from the things you do and not the things you don’t. Take a chance on yourself – you know you deserve one!

Article taken from issue 16 of theRecord.

Fonesavvy

Ben Sturge

If I’m an ex why am I having a difficult time moving on?

Relationship problems you might be thinking? Well for the most part you would be correct. You see after my release from prison, like most do, I had realised my polyamorous relationship with crime and the police had run its course. After repaying my debt to society I was keen to start a new career and left prison proudly forced into wearing my badge as an ex-offender.

The problem was and still is to some extent is that despite wanting to start a new career or better myself, this label of ex-offender seems to confuse the most educated of society, they are failing to understand what EX actually means? I’m sure employers see it as a terrible disease meaning unreliable and incapable, whilst insurance brokers see it as pound signs.

Is this rehabilitation? How realistic is rehabilitation when up against this level of adversity?

With logic and morals at war I chose the challenge of the latter and applied my criminal learnings to set up a legitimate business providing a service to inmates friends and families nationwide. Fonesavvy was born to reduce the cost of calls to mobiles from prison. With the help and support of understanding organisations such as Inside Time, the high barriers of being an ex-offender soon become hurdles, good news travels fast, especially in prison and Fonesavvy is now nationwide. It’s not been easy and we are still experiencing some resistance due to a lack of understanding from HMPS.

However I’m sure on this occasion it has nothing to do with being an ex-offender and I’m faithful this will be resolved quickly and Fonesavvys benefits will be recognised. It is my hope that anyone reading this will be inspired and confident enough to believe in themselves and realise the success and satisfaction that can be achieved in the legitimate world. With the hurdles and stigma attached to being an ex-offender in a climate with already limited job prospects, employment is very difficult, what better time to become self employed and start your own business?

For more information visit www.fonesavvy.co.uk; follow Fonesavvy on Twitter @fonesavvyuk or find us on Facebook and Blackberry messenger pin 2826F945.

Article taken from Issue 18.