Lloyd (not his real name) wanted to share his experience of volunteering at Unlock.
Released from prison but still an outsider
I was released from prison in 2017, anxious and fearful about what lay ahead. Yes, prison is awful – the loss of liberty and the freedom to make your own decisions. All the time I’d been inside, I’d been living in a bubble, not having to face up to the reality of what I’d done or what a future with a criminal record would be like.
Prior to prison I’d had a job I loved. A job which held a lot of responsibility and afforded me respect from my family, friends and society. Due to the nature of my offence, I was banned from returning to my old job and viewed as a social pariah.
One of the ‘good’ things to come out of my time in prison was finally getting a diagnosis for the complex mental health issues I’d been living with since I was a teenager. I’d started medication in prison which helped me see things a lot more clearly which was possibly why I was so anxious about the future. On release I also started regular sessions with a therapist which helped me make sense of my offending behaviour.
Making a new life for myself
By 2022 (5-years post release) many things in my life were good. I was married and stating to build a new relationship with my family but I was still struggling to come to terms with what I saw as being an ‘outcast’. Due to my complex medical needs I’d been signed off ‘long term sick’ but my therapist made me see that in my case, work was the thing that gave me a purpose and a place in society. Going straight into a paid role however seemed like a step too far.
I came across Unlock one night when surfing the net and saw they were looking for volunteers to work on their helpline. Before I had a chance to change my mind, I’d filled in and sent off the application form. A couple of days later I was invited for an ‘informal chat’ with Debbie, the Head of Advice. I rearranged that chat three times before I summoned up the confidence to go along but I’m glad I did. I started volunteering 3 weeks later.
The training was intense but enjoyable but best of all was feeling ‘normal’. The conversations I had with colleagues were the same as those in any other office – what we’d had for dinner, what we’d seen on TV and importantly whether Tottenham were better than Manchester United.
Of course there have been bumps in the road along the way which have threatened to derail me. I’d been working hard to establish a new relationship with my family but I wanted to run ahead while they were still walking and this led to them pulling back from me. This feeling of abandonment hit me hard and for two weeks I hid myself away. I didn’t go into the office and made no contact with anybody at Unlock. During those two weeks, I received a few messages from the team, checking in with me, making sure I was OK. When I returned, I sat down with Debbie and told her all about my past and my struggles with my mental health. There was no judgement just support, an unspoken understanding that with some minor adjustments to my role I could continue to play an active part in the organisation.
Unlock provides a unique service to people with a criminal record and being able to give information, advice and support to others truly helped me. I realised I wasn’t alone and people receive a criminal record for a variety of reasons.
I completed an NVQ in Information, Advice and Guidance whilst volunteering and with this new qualification I’ve applied for a couple of paid advice jobs. Although I wasn’t successful, one of my helpline colleagues encouraged me to ask for feedback which I’d never have done in the past. It’s been really useful.
Acceptance at last
I remember that first informal chat with Debbie when she explained that volunteering was a two way thing and that’s certainly been true of my experience. I gave my time to volunteer on the helpline but I got so much back in return. My future’s different to the one I’d imagined and I still sometimes have thoughts of ‘what if’ but these soon pass.
When I left prison I couldn’t hold my head high, I couldn’t meet or talk to new people due to the shame and stigma of my criminal record and mental health. Six months ago, I accompanied my wife to a social event and neither of us could stop smiling as I stood by her side joining in the conversations with some of her friends – no longer the outsider just a ‘normal’ guy enjoying being part of a group.
