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For people with criminal records
For people with criminal records

Migrated From: The Record - Posts

Mistakes made by probation should be a cause of concern to all

Back in 2014, Chris Grayling introduced the privatisation of the probation service. The system was heavily criticised by MP’s and Mary’s story demonstrates just what was going wrong.

 

Several years ago, along with an accomplice, I “earned” approximately £2000 by claiming refunds for items I owned which I declared were faulty when in fact they were not – this is legally defined as fraud by false representation. I claimed for 6 items in total over a 2 week period before realising how stupid I had been.

Approximately 6 months later and totally out of the blue, I received a text message from my accomplice telling me that he’d just been raided by the police; his computers had been seized and he’d been asked to attend a voluntary interview at the police station. He was advised by his solicitor to do a ‘no comment’ interview.

As you can imagine, I was extremely worried that the police would visit me too; every night I went to bed not knowing whether I’d get a knock on the door the next day. It finally came 4 months later.

The police removed all of my electronic devices and ‘invited’ me to attend an interview and it was only then that I discovered my accomplice had continued with his offending behaviour.

To start with, our case went to the Magistrates Court but was then transferred to the Crown Court. Prior to my appearance in court I was sent a letter by the probation team with a whole raft of questions, for example “what had led to my offending, what were the chances of my offending again?” Considering I’d not entered any plea, it felt quite presumptuous of probation to assume I was guilty.

At the end of the court hearing I was sentenced to 9 months in prison, suspended for two years with a requirement to attend sessions with my probation officer throughout my sentence.

I received my first letter from probation a month later and was surprised to read that I’d apparently missed my initial appointment and, unless I could explain my reasons for this within the next 5 days, I would be returned to court. Of course, I contacted my probation officer immediately and she accepted my explanation that I’d never received any details of that first appointment.

Over the next month, I attended four meetings before being told that the probation office would be closing but I’d be sent details of the new office to report to. I heard nothing more for 4 months and, growing more and more concerned that I should have been attending meetings, I rang the office. I was told that my probation officer was away but she’d call me back.

A further 2.5 months passed before I was given another appointment and this was only because I’d made it my business to chase up probation. On the day of my meeting, my ‘usual’ probation officer wasn’t available and so I was seen by somebody else. Once again, I was told I’d be sent a follow up appointment and once again, I heard nothing.

I’m sure I’d have heard nothing more from probation were in not for the fact that I decided to enrol for a course at my local college. As my conviction was still unspent I had to disclose it and I was asked by the college to attend a risk assessment and also, to provide the contact details for my probation officer.

This appeared to spark some renewed interest from probation and I went on to have another two meetings until once again, my officer went off sick. Once again, this lack of a named probation officer resulted in another allegation of a missed appointment and a further letter threatening me with a return to court.

This catalogue of errors must be hard to believe but I can assure you that I’m not the only one. The following was a headline in The Times newspaper:

Public at risk after privatised probation firm lost offenders.

The paper reported that a probation company had lost track of individuals it was supervising and others hadn’t been seen for months. It highlighted a combination of unmanageable caseloads and inexperienced officers.

I did everything I could to try to engage with probation. I didn’t want to miss appointments, my only wish was to complete the sentence given to me and move on.

I hope that once the probation service is bought back under public control early next year, we’ll no longer see this kind of mismanagement happening again.

By Mary (name changed to protect identity)

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  • Comment – Let us know your thoughts on this post by commenting below.
  • Information – We have practical self-help information on probation.
  • Discuss this issue – There are some interesting discussions relating to probation on our online forum.

Keep calm and volunteer

Unlock has been really fortunate over the years to find so many generous people that are willing to give their time and talents to help others. Here Roger tells us what he’s gained from his volunteering experience at Unlock.

As many of us know, getting a job with a criminal record can be hard and that was the position I found myself in several years ago. Getting those letters thanking me for my interest but telling me that my application wouldn’t be progressed was heart-breaking but even worse, were the employers that never even acknowledged them. A year of filling in forms or sending off my CV had seriously started to impact on my mental health and so, I decided to find myself a voluntary role.

Hallelujah, I found Unlock who were looking for a helpline advisor. As the helpline provided a peer-delivered service, for once my conviction was treated positively. The interview went well and before long, I’d started my training. Although it was interesting, it was also intensive and there were days when I left the office thinking that my brain was going to explode.

It probably took about 3 months before I felt confident in dealing with the majority of issues that people contacted us about although, it’s a constant learning process.

I currently volunteer on two days a week. The process of getting up and ready for work has added some routine and normality to my life and gives me a sense of purpose.

Some of the calls we take can be emotionally draining and when its busy it can feel quite stressful. However, knowing that the information or advice I’m giving will empower somebody to make well thought out, reasoned decisions is so rewarding. Just imagine somebody telling you:

“I can’t thank you enough for your help, you’ve just changed my life.”

Then back in March, we were hit by the pandemic and Boris told us all to ‘work from home’. We knew it was coming and the helpline was pretty well prepared. Although the number of people contacting us dropped, so too did the number of helpline advisors that were available to respond to enquiries. The helpline telephone landline was redirected to a mobile phone and all phone calls were answered by one advisor with one other responding to emails. Overnight we’d gone from 3 or 4 advisors each day to just 2.

Although the helpline was open throughout the lock-down, it was a very strange way of working and we were all relieved when we were able to return to the office at the start of July. The number of people contacting the helpline had started to increase and relying on just one advisor to answer all the telephone calls was putting them under a lot of pressure.

The need for social distancing means that there are still only 2 advisors in the office each day but it feels so good to have that interaction with colleagues. We’re receiving lots of calls from people who, as a result of the pandemic, have lost their jobs and are now looking for new positions (for some this will be the first time in many years and the first time they’ll have needed to disclose their criminal record).

These are indeed worrying times for all.

As I said at the start of my article, unemployment really did impact on my mental health but volunteering for Unlock was my salvation. We all know that survival is difficult without money and volunteering isn’t going to fill that need. However, if you find yourself struggling with feelings of anxiety, self-doubt or depression then I’d recommend getting in touch with your local volunteer centre to find out whether there’s anything available that ‘floats your boat’.

By Roger (name changed to protect identity)

A comment from Unlock

We’d like to thank all of our volunteers both past and present for the work they’ve done and continue to do.

For many people volunteering is a positive and rewarding experience. It can help to boost self-confidence and self-esteem and if you’re looking for paid employment, adding it to your CV can make you stand out and look more attractive to potential employers.

Unlock’s volunteer programme for people with convictions has been running for many years and in that time, we’ve seen our volunteers go on to study for degrees at university, move into paid work or take on other volunteering roles. If you’re interested in joining our small, friendly team, take a look at the opportunities we have available here.

Useful links

  • Comment – Let us know your thoughts on this post by commenting below.
  • Information – We have practical self-help information on volunteering and you can find out more about the current vacancies we have at Unlock here.
  • Discuss this issue – There are some interesting discussion related to volunteering on our online forum.

Organisations can’t be diverse or inclusive until HR professionals recognise the value of people with convictions

Despite having worked as a nurse for many years, Janice feels that HR departments are more interested in her conviction from 20 years ago than her abilities as a nurse.

I’ve been a nurse for over 11 years and have worked in the same hospital department for the last 10 years.

One of the great things about working as a nurse and, in particular, being part of the NHS was the fact that there was always the opportunity for career progression. With hard work, drive and motivation it was possible for somebody starting out as a staff nurse to move into executive and clinical leadership roles.

The application process was relatively simple too. When promotion opportunities became available, we’d drop an email to our matron expressing our interest. Those making the recruitment decisions knew that our training was up-to-date and that we’d have regular checks carried out relevant for our role. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t shown any favoritism, in some cases being known to the department really went against you. The only thing we could avoid was having to fill in lengthy application forms.

However, over the last 2 years things have changed and we now have to apply for all jobs through trac.jobs, a website which is independent of the NHS and the Department of Health. Every time I apply for a new role, I now have to disclose my conviction from 20 years ago and this has seemed to somewhat stall my career progression.

Trac have told me that they will discuss any disclosed convictions with the relevant appointing manager and from my own experience, the way that a person with a criminal record is perceived seems to have changed over time. When I applied for my first job with the Trust, I disclosed my conviction; it wasn’t an easy discussion but by then, my conviction was over 10 years old and the Trust presumably took the view that I had the necessary skills and experience and I did not pose any risk to my patients or colleagues.

Since the new process has come into force, I’ve applied for 3 promotions within my current department and have been unsuccessful in all of them. I’ve been told that I’m well qualified yet each job has gone to a less experienced person. It seems that after 20 years, my conviction is still more relevant to HR than my ability to do the job.

I feel like I’m being assessed again and again and my career is being continuously decided by a mistake I made over 20 years ago.

By Janice (name changed to protect identity)

A comment from Unlock

As the role of a nurse is exempt from the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act, these employers can carry out enhanced criminal record checks. However, it seems as though Janice is being asked to self-disclose her criminal record prior to any recruitment decision being made which, under GDPR isn’t proportionate.

Sadly, Unlock regularly sees examples of employers who are either extremely risk averse or have a zero-tolerance approach to DBS checks. This is why our fair access to employment project continues to support employers in implementing fairer and more inclusive recruitment polices and procedures and challenge those who have unlawful recruitment practices.

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How can one question determine your career opportunities?

Whether you’re applying to university or for a job, as a person with a criminal record there will be a point in the process when you’re asked about your conviction(s). James has likened this to a judge passing sentence, the feeling that somebody else is making a decision which will potentially affect the rest of your life.

The two words all prisoners hear, and most fear. These two words happen at the same time every day/week during their stay behind the walls. It is the time when they are left alone with their thoughts and realise that life goes on without them. It is then, and only then, that they can commit to taking action upon release. There were times during my own experiences that I started to formulate in my head what I needed to do when released. Once you hear the keys rattle and the gates close behind you, it’s time for those thoughts to start taking action.

Returning to society can be one of the most difficult challenges you will ever face. You have to navigate all the vices which you will have access to again; alcohol, medication, drugs and risk taking behaviours. Furthermore, the peer group you left behind will all want to come back into your life again which can put you in situations you need to avoid, or guess what, you’re back behind the walls again.

Leaving the prison behind at aged 19, I wasn’t aware of how my criminal record would affect me when applying for a job. When I left school I had no formal education but while behind the walls I accessed a range of vocational courses that gave me the motivation to start over. After rummaging through newspapers, going to the job centre and researching online, I saw a course at the local college which was of great interest. After being accepted to the course (no criminal record check was needed at that time) I spent 3 years attaining a foundation degree which was a pathway into university (the real end goal).

The university application was a lot more robust to complete and as I worked my way through each page with anticipation and excitement I almost missed the question that ex-offenders all fear

Do you have any criminal convictions spent or unspent?

Now here I am aged 23 with a feeling of real dread in my stomach, asking myself the question “what do I do with this box?”

The emotions overcame me and I felt sick. Where do I go from here, after the journey it took to get here? It was clear I needed assistance so I went to the Citizens Advice Bureau and asked them what I should do. In my head I wanted to tick the box that said ‘unspent’ as this was transparent. However, I knew that by doing this it might also mean I wasn’t accepted which was hard to digest. The guidance from the CAB, leave the box blank and let the university decide once they receive the criminal record check.

The course started in September 2001 and I was having an unbelievable time, meeting new people, learning new skills and going for the odd beer or two! Not 3 weeks into the course I got a letter requesting I attend a meeting at the university with the Admissions Panel. At that moment I felt like I was back in court with the judge passing the custodial sentence. Waiting outside the room I knew this could only go two ways; you stay on the course, or your days at university are over. I opened the door and there was a panel of 6 people. I sat down knowing the question they were going to ask me.

Why didn’t you tick the box?

After explaining how I felt about the process up to the box and how I had turned my life around full circle since leaving prison, they asked me to wait outside. It was during this time in the hall that I reflected on what had gone before and what rejection would mean for my career opportunities moving forward. If they said no, how would any other university say “yes”? (this wasn’t Dragons Den). The door opened and they asked me to take a seat and communicated their decision based on what I had told them. It was an acceptance to continue on the course.

What a result! I felt like Will Smith in the movie The Pursuit of Happiness.

So you see, you can start over, you just need people to believe in you.

By James (name changed to protect identity)

Useful links

  • Comment – Let us know your thoughts on this post by commenting below.
  • Information – We have practical self-help information on applying to university.
  • Discuss this issue – There are some interesting discussions related to applying to university on our online forum.

“Computer says no” – appealing the disclosure of my spent conviction

Having successfully had his SOPO revoked Phil was confident that his conviction was spent and wouldn’t be disclosed on his basic DBS certificate. In practice however, things were not quite so simple.

 

Nine year ago I entered a guilty plea for the possession of indecent images and was sentenced to a three year community order, an SOR notification requirement for 5 years and a Sexual Offences Prevention Order (SOPO) for 15 years.

I complied with all the requirements expected of me and last year the police supported my application to the court to reduce the length of my SOPO to 5 years. My application was successful; SOPO revoked and off the register. I was fairly sure that as my SOPO had come to an end my conviction would be spent but I decided to apply for my own basic DBS check to get a look at what a ‘clean’ certificate would look like.

However, when I received my basic certificate there was my conviction staring back in me in black and white. I was really disappointed and so I got back in touch with the DBS to appeal the disclosure. It didn’t take long for them to tell me that my appeal was “not upheld” because my conviction wasn’t spent.

I wasn’t happy with the decision and it kept niggling away at the back of my mind, but it wasn’t until earlier this year that I decided to do some further research. It was then I came across the Unlock website and started reading articles about similar cases to mine. I learnt loads and the stuff I read seemed to support my opinion that my conviction was spent. Just to be sure that my thinking was right, I gave the Unlock helpline a ring and they confirmed my thinking – I had a spent conviction.

Armed with all the relevant paperwork, I had numerous conversations with the police and the DBS. To cut a long story short, it seemed that although my SOPO had been revoked, and my records updated on the Police National Computer it was still showing as live on the system the DBS use to run their checks. With evidence proving that my SOPO was no longer active, I was able to appeal to the DBS again.

This time my appeal was upheld and the DBS provided me with a ‘clean’ basic DBS certificate.

This is exactly the break I needed and will definitely help me when I’m applying for jobs during these challenging times.

By Phil (name changed to protect identity)

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Google, It’s time to do better – spent convictions should stay spent

I’m following a different path but looking forward to the journey – accepted to study at university

A criminal record may necessitate a change to some of the plans we’ve made for the future but as Lachlan discovered, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

 

I don’t think I’m a bad person but I’ve definitely made some bad choices. Unfortunately, it was one of these that led to a conviction for assault and a 12 month suspended prison sentence. I acted without thinking and will always regret what I did but I can’t change that now.

At the time of my conviction I’d just finished my A levels and was considering what I wanted to do next – gap year, university, work? However, it quickly became apparent that thanks to my conviction I had far less choice than I’d had before.

Travelling to Australia (which had been top of my gap year destinations) wasn’t possible as I’d received a 12 month sentence, even though I’d never stepped foot inside a prison. I assumed that other countries would be the same, although I know now that probably wasn’t the case.

I’d wanted to study for a social work degree and already knew that due to the work placements the university would do an enhanced DBS check. I did loads of research online about the impact of my conviction and although I couldn’t find a definitive answer, I got the impression that most universities would reject my application.

My world had been turned upside down. One minute so much choice and the next – no choice and seemingly no future. I lost interest in the things I’d once enjoyed, had less energy, lost my appetite and just felt generally worthless.

Getting a job looked like the only thing I could do and so I started to job hunt online. I couldn’t believe how many companies asked about unspent convictions and the thought of having to disclose mine to a stranger filled me with dread; I just couldn’t do it. And so another door slammed shut in my face.

Worried family and friends convinced me to go and see my GP who prescribed me anti-depressants. I didn’t want to turn to chemicals to make me feel better and so I started to ‘self-care’ – yoga, walking and the occasional exercise class. As time passed I found I was having more good days than bad and on one of the good ones it suddenly struck me, my conviction would impact on my life but how much was up to me.

A criminal record and no work experience wasn’t going to land me the best job and so it felt that university might be the way forward. With all thought of social work gone, I discovered courses I’d never have considered before and eventually plumped for a degree in digital forensics and cyber security.

As I had been convicted of a violent offence and my conviction was unspent, I had to disclose it to the university. Even though disclosure was necessary, that didn’t make it any easier and there were several times as I wrote my disclosure letter that I almost threw in the towel. I started to worry about what people would think of me, would they gossip about my conviction, would I be ostracised, would I be ‘watched’ just in case I broke the law again? However mad these thoughts might sound, they were so real to me at the time.

In the end I wrote two disclosure letters; one quite brief and another which gave a lot more background around the circumstances leading up to the conviction. I emailed the university the brief version taking the view that I could use the longer one when I attended the panel hearing. Writing the disclosure statement proved to be quite a cathartic experience, it freed me from the burden of having to hide a part of myself and freed me from the shame I felt about my criminal record.

On the day of the panel hearing, I was nervous but felt as prepared as I could be. The panel asked me a few questions verifying what I’d put in my original disclosure but didn’t ask anything more. I was asked to step out of the room and 10 minutes or so later I was called back in and my place on the course was confirmed.

By Lachlan (name changed to protect identity)

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Facing possible rejection again – applying to Google to have links to my name removed

Source: Adobe Stock

As far as she’s aware, the fact that there is information online about her criminal record hasn’t had too much of an impact on Lucy. However, since her conviction became spent she has started to feel very strongly that either the articles themselves, or links to them should be removed.

Back in May 2014 the Court of Justice of the European Union ruled that individuals should be able to request the deletion or removal of personal data published online where there is no compelling reason for it to remain. This has become known as the ‘right to be forgotten’.

I was on holiday in Devon when this news broke and I can remember listening to the radio and thinking of the enormous impact this could have on somebody like me – a person with a criminal record whose name could easily be found online.

Following my release from prison, I’d been lucky enough to get a full time job and, although I’d disclosed my unspent conviction to my manager, I lived in constant fear that a work colleague would ‘google’ me and spill the beans about my past. To the best of my knowledge I don’t think this ever happened but I can never be sure. So, having the opportunity to apply for links to my name to be removed was potentially a massive deal for me.

A few days after the Court of Justice case had been reported on some of the more right wing newspapers were criticising the changes. One said:

Applications have come from corrupt public figures and criminals desperate to hide their past.“

Although Google stressed that they would deal with each delisting application on a case by case basis, it quickly became clear that they were unwilling to remove search results relating to unspent convictions. Knowing that it was going to take many years for my conviction to become spent making an application to Google seemed less of an option for me.

As I was married with a family, changing my name also presented more challenges than it overcome and so, I made a conscious decision to try and increase my positive profile on the internet.

Creating a profile on sites like Linkedin gave me an immediate presence online as did commenting on articles written by others. I started submitting my own articles to publications and sites and was surprised when they were published. I later found out that many trade magazines struggle to get people to write articles for free and are open to accepting those written on topical issues.

It wasn’t a quick process but within a year I’d managed to push a lot of the negative newspaper reports to page 3 on Google and, as time went on, removing links to my name became less important.

However, once my conviction became spent it actually bought home to me how wrong it is that the links to my name still exist online. I may be naive in thinking that an employer seeing this might still give me the opportunity to explain myself if they felt I had the skills and experience to do the job. But what about colleagues? I doubt whether they’d confront me over what they’d read but some would undoubtedly believe everything the newspaper had reported.

And so I’ve decided to face rejection again and make an application to Google to have the links to my name removed. I wanted to share this experience with all those that read theRecord and pass on anything I learn from this journey.

I can’t say it’s started too well. Today I’ve tried to pull together a list of URL links for every article appearing in a search on my name (you need to provide these on the online application form). I’m not sure what made me read every article but I did. I find it hard to recognise the woman being described on those pages but I remember so clearly how chaotic and out of control her life was at that time. It’s hard reading this stuff and I’ve certainly shed a tear or two.

I get the feeling that this process might be harder than I imagined but as they say “tomorrow is another day“. Just watch this space.

By Lucy (name changed to protect identity)

A comment from Unlock

Since the news in 2014 of ‘the right to be forgotten’ Unlock has been actively looking at if and how this is being applied to spent convictions. We would encourage anybody who has been unsuccessful with Google (or other search engines) to refer their case to the Information Commissioners Office as a formal complaint.

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I can’t erase my past mistakes, I can only learn from them to be better.

Source: Adobe Stock

Over the last 3 months the number of people claiming out of work benefits has more than doubled. Like many people with a criminal record, Robbie is worried about how this will further impact on his chances of getting a job.

Every time I turn on the television these days the news is bleak – the number of people claiming out of work benefits has risen, the furlough scheme is coming to an end in October and more and more companies are being forced to cut jobs.

All sectors have been affected; young and old, senior managers and factory workers, all looking for new jobs. What chance do I stand – the guy with the criminal record.

Yes I have a criminal record. I’ve got more than one conviction but my last one was the most serious. Embezzling money from my previous employer, a well known supermarket.

I’d been employed by them for about 12 years, and my offending had started a year or so before it was actually discovered. I was dismissed from my job and given a community order when my case went to court. I avoided a prison sentence because my family paid all the money back to the supermarket in full.

Details of my court case appeared on the front page of my local newspaper and anybody can Google my name and find out what I’ve done. I didn’t realise how many employers do searches like this on potential employees and this has definitely made it harder for me to find a job.

I know what I did was wrong and I am truly sorry for it. I not only deceived my employers but I’ve caused so much pain and worry for my family, in particular my mum who stood by me through it all. It’s something I regret every day of my life.

Since my last conviction I’ve not been in any further trouble and I can honestly say that I will never break the law again. I can’t explain why I stole the money, I can only put it down to greed and stupidity. I was certainly drinking a lot more than I should and this may have been a factor but not an excuse.

Since I lost my supermarket job, I’ve been unable to get any type of paid employment. I’ve successfully completed two courses at evening school and an 8 week unpaid work placement in a clerical role with my local NHS hospital. Last year I went back to college full time to study for an HNC in administration and IT in the hope that it would improve my chances of securing paid work.

Up until the coronavirus pandemic struck I’d been working as a volunteer at a local charity shop. Even though I had to disclose my conviction to the shop manager, she was happy to give me the opportunity to prove myself. Knowing that she was prepared to see beyond my conviction and place some trust in me meant so much. The shop is due to reopen next week and I’m looking forward to going back, it’s good to have some structure to my day and a reason to get up in the morning.

Ideally I’d like an admin or clerical role to put into use the things I’ve learnt at college. The majority of employers have a section on their application form which asks about cautions and convictions and my heart always sinks when I see that question. I appreciate that I have made things much harder for myself and I can certainly understand why an employer would be loath to take somebody on who has a criminal record.

But, I just want a chance to show that I’ve learnt from my mistakes – I’ve learnt a lot about myself and what’s important in life. I want to show that I can be trusted and I know that I’ve got a lot to offer a potential employer.

My future seems bleak. The jobs market is hard enough for people who don’t have a criminal record never mind those like me who do. I wish I could wind back time but I can’t. All I can do is hope that somebody sees fit to give me a chance – I’d grab it with both hands.

By Robbie  (name changed to protect identity)

A comment from Unlock

In 2015 Unlock launched it’s fair access to employment project. A key part of this work is to support employers in developing and implementing fair and inclusive polices and practices and to recognise the diverse talent of people with a criminal record.

Useful links

  • Comment – Let us know your thoughts on this post by commenting below.
  • Information – We have practical self-help information on looking for (and keeping) employment and volunteering.
  • Discuss this issue – There are some interesting discussions on our online forum.

Domestic violence against men: It’s no laughing matter

Source: Adobe Stock

Whilst abuse of women is widely known about, it’s not widely recognised that men can be victims too. Finn’s story highlights the lasting impact that this lack of understanding and empathy can have.

I’m a 38 year old male student nurse. My life is pretty good at the moment, but things could have been very different.

Rewind to 2008. I was in a relationship with a woman and we had a young child together. I was also the victim of domestic abuse. Yes, you heard that right, I was the victim of domestic violence.

The shame I felt was immense and I didn’t know how to speak out; I didn’t think this sort of thing happened to men. After several false starts, I eventually mustered up the courage to speak to my line manager at work, opening up to him about everything that I was being subjected to at home. It was the hardest, most difficult thing I’ve ever had to talk about.

At the end of this outpouring of emotion, I looked up and him and – he laughed at me.

He didn’t really say anything but I knew that he thought I was a pathetic excuse for a man. This just reaffirmed what I thought of myself, the emotional abuse had stripped away my self-worth and confidence.

It was a fact, I really couldn’t talk to anybody, believing I’d get the same reaction. And so the abuse continued and I went into self-destruct mode. I started missing work, struggling to leave the house because I didn’t feel worthy enough. I had to get out of the relationship but I didn’t know how.

I had no money of my own and so, in a moment of madness and out of desperation I claimed for some hours at work that I didn’t work and also some benefits that I wasn’t entitled to, hoping to get enough money together to leave the relationship. I was due to start university the following year to train as a nurse and that’s all I clung onto.

That one moment of stupidity cost me my job. I was dismissed and also received a police caution. During both my disciplinary and the police interview I wanted to tell them about what was going on in my private life but once again the thought of being laughed at stopped me.

But worse was to come.

I’d started my nursing degree and only been on the course for a couple of weeks when I was told that as a result of the police caution my university place was being withdrawn.

As my dreams of a career in nursing disintegrated I somehow found the courage to end the relationship. My son initially stayed with his mother but she soon decided that motherhood wasn’t for her and she wanted to pursue her career, and so he came to live with me. This was the turning point for me, I knew I had to make a life for myself and my child. I kept the shame I felt about my caution and the domestic violence I’d suffered buried deep and just resigned myself to the fact that I’d never be able to carve out a career for myself as a nurse.

I threw myself into bringing up my son and started working in a care home to support us both. I gained numerous qualifications and got promoted to manager, but this wasn’t what I wanted to do, I wanted to be a nurse.

I knew deep down that I’d never be able to truly move on with my life until I’d got closure on the past. So I arranged to meet with somebody from the HR department of the company I’d been sacked from in 2008. I was incredibly anxious, worried that the response I’d get would be really negative or worse still, I’d be laughed out of the room. But I did what I should have done at the time and explained the reason why I’d needed to claim for hours I hadn’t worked. To my utter amazement, the HR manager was incredible telling me that I should have spoken to them at the time, that my domestic situation would have been considered as mitigating circumstances and I would in all likelihood have kept my job. For the first time in ages I started to see that I wasn’t a bad person.

When I’d arranged to meet with HR all I wanted was recognition that the way my line manager had treated me was wrong. However, they actually went further than that offering my a number of voluntary roles to improve my employability and eventually taking me on in a paid position.

My confidence grew and I began thinking again about becoming a nurse. Wanting to find out what my chances were of being accepted onto a nursing degree course, I found the details of Unlock online. After giving them details of my caution, the advisor at the end of the phone told me that my caution was ‘protected’ and would be filtered from my DBS certificate – I didn’t need to disclose it at all.

Two years ago, I completed my university application form and after a short interview I was accepted onto the course. A couple of weeks later I received an application pack from the NHS trust where I would be doing my work placement. The form asked whether I had any unprotected cautions or convictions and I proudly ticked the ‘No’ box.

I’ve just finished the first year of my nursing degree and I’m loving it. I’ve started to believe in myself again and taken control of my life. I’ve spent years beating myself up over the mistakes I made but at long last I feel able to move on.

In many ways, the world is a different place to how it was in 2008 when I told my line manager that I was a victim of domestic abuse. However, the popular image of this type of domestic violence is still based on the gender stereotype of a male villain and a female victim and incredibly, laughter is still a common response to male domestic violence.

By Finn (name changed to protect identity)

Useful links 

  • Comment – Let us know your thoughts on this post by commenting below
  • Information – We have practical self-help information on universities, colleges and education and filtering.
  • Discuss this issue – There are some interesting discussions related to this issue on our online forum

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